Right, so we’ve covered chubby Jess and skinny Alf…..yeah, I said it. Now let’s have a look at the rest of them:
Dad’s alright for a skin, I get loads of fuss off him, and I can live with that. He spends alot of time on the computer, that’s why I have to nip in quick to write this diary. I don’t know what he does but he seems happy doing it, and it keeps him out of my fur while I dig his garden for him.
I think Mom might be a nutrit…a nutritit…..someone who looks after peoples’ weight, because every time Dad gives me a treat he says “There you go Bones, don’t tell your mother.”
Mom’s the dog walker, she takes us down to the fields at the bottom of the road and we get let off the lead. Alf bombs off like his tail’s on fire; I’m next, if I had longer legs I might have a chance of keeping up; finally, bringing up the rear is Jessie, she only runs in short bursts with a silly grin on her face and her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth. Sometimes I can’t run for laughing at her funny face. I can’t let her catch up though; being a border collie, she thinks she’s up on the hills herding sheep, and guess who the sheep is….yeah me! She comes galloping up like a crazed shire horse and if I don’t get out of the way she grabs my back leg! The big lump!
In the house where I live there’s an upstairs bit where we’re not allowed to go. There’s a gate at the bottom of the stairs to keep us out. Sometimes the skins leave it open but the collies don’t go up there, I decided to take a look and now I know why they don’t go…Raffles.
I should have listened, the collies said “don’t go up there short stuff, Raffles is up there”, I thought “what’s a raffle?” I knew there was a cat up there because I’d seen a little black and white face up peering down at me. Dad called her Millie and she trotted down the stairs to have a look at me on the day I first arrived. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t got anything against cats but I don’t want to be friends with one and she definitely didn’t want to be friends with me, every time I’ve shouted up the stairs to her she sticks her skinny butt in the air and flicks her tail; cheek, who’s she think she is? Alfie says cats are only useful for one thing and that’s chasing! Then he lowered his voice and looked up, “except Raffles….” What the hell is a raffle?
Anyway the day I decided to investigate upstairs I set off, I didn’t realise how steep stairs were, especially for a pup like me. There was a strange rythmic pounding that I could feel under my pads. I stopped: what was that? I took another couple of steps and the vibrations got stronger, then I could hear them: boom, boom, boom. I stopped again and listened, I looked over my shoulder and just caught site of the collies tails and they disappeared in different directions, what’s up with them? The pounding noise stopped but the warm breath stinking of fish from above told me that something might be wrong. I turned and looked up to be faced with a creature from hell. A huge ginger nightmare was staring down at me with green eyes blazing, a look of contempt seething on his demonlike features. I realised then what a raffle was.
Ok, he’s a big lad but out of shape, I do this for a living….if he wants to fight then lets have it. Yeah buster, you’ve never met a border terrier before have you? I heard Alfie call up from his hiding place “Bones, you’re not Scrappy Doo… slowly back away from the cat.” I looked back at Raffles to see a huge white paw about the size of my head hovering above me. My life flashed before my eyes – oh, that didn’t take long. Then an even bigger shadow loomed over both of us, Dad!
“That’s enough Raff, leave him alone.” Raffles obediently turned and the boom boom started again as he went back upstairs, probably to finish the elk he was feeding on or something. “Yes mate, you’d better run, that’s it keep walking, you don’t know how close you came, any time you want to try…putemup, putemup!!!” He reached the top of the stairs, turned and smiled. I felt a little chill pass down my spine and I think a little pee might have leaked out.
Dad took me in the living room and told me to sit down. He gave me a telling off about keeping away from Raffles and how I should be careful on the stairs in case I fall. He’s right of course but as he wagged his finger in front of my face, I couldn’t resist jumping up and biting it….