My Heroes Have Always Been Dogs


I was asked a question the other day by one of my loyal followers which I wish to address in more detail: Who are my doggy idols? Well, I’ve spent nearly a whole minute thinking about this, which is a long time when you’ve got gardening (well…digging in the garden) to do and Alfie’s ear isn’t going to chew itself, but I’ve come up with a list of my top ten in reverse order:

10) Gromit (Wallace & Gromit). Doesn’t have much to say but he’s definitely the brains of the outfit.

9) Spike (Tom & Jerry). A big tough bulldog. The cat was always trying to get the mouse who liked to hide under Spike’s jowls, it would always end up with the cat taking a hiding.

8) Jerry Lee (K9). There seemed to be a few of these films come out around the same time. I’m not big on family movies with a feelgood ending but I admit to getting a lump in my throat when JL got shot then pulled through (it was probably bile).

7) Hooch (Turner & Hooch). Another almost identical film to K9, but Hooch ranks higher just because of the amount of drool he could produce. I’m so jealous!

6) Butch (Cats & Dogs). We win in the end and show the pesky cats we’re the best pets – DOGS RULE! Obviously the hero of the story was supposed to be Lou the Beagle but I thought he was wimp, Butch on the other hand was so cool. Not afraid of anything: he’s an icedog!

5) Eddie (Frasier). Easily the best thing about that show was the little terrier.

4) The Littlest Hobo. What a brilliant dog anthem: Maybe tomorrow I’ll want to settle down, until tomorrow I’ll just keep moving on. Honestly, isn’t that fantastic? Lifts my fur, it really does. He’s a top dog who solves problems for stupid skins wherever he goes.

3) Diefenbaker (Due South). We’re into the top three now so these dogs are giants. Diefenbaker showed all the qualities that make dogs the best animals in the world: courage, loyalty, dedication; all this and he was deaf! Hero.

2) Mutley. The star of some of the greatest cartoons ever made. Mutley was the opposite of Diefenbaker: cunning, treacherous, evil; but how we love him, how we laugh, but best of all – how he laughs! Also he has that helicopter tail, so when they fail to catch the pigeon (again) and Dick Dastardly is falling from his plane he shouts, “MUTLEY, DO SOMETHING!” Mutley comes down with his tail spinning and points at his chest saying “Gimme,gimme,gimme.” And if he doesn’t get his medal, he lets Dastardly drop. He covers his mouth and does that laugh and tears run down my furry cheeks.

And here it is, (drum roll) at number one, the greatest dog that ever wagged a tail is………………………………..

1) Rebel (Champion the Wonder Horse). There has never been a tougher, more loyal, more hardy dog than Rebel, a German Shepherd Dog from the rough end of the litter. And yet, he must be the most overlooked and underappreciated dog ever. No matter what Rebel did, no matter how many bad skins he brought to heel, that bloody horse got all the praise. What was champion about that horse? He did nothing to help.

Ok, if you’ve never seen the show, it always ended the same way: there was this snot-nosed brat who had a wild horse as a friend called, obviously, Champion the Wonder Horse. At the end of the show, no matter what had happened during the show, there would always be a chase, probably involving 2 or 3 baddies and uncle Sandy with Rebel in hot pursuit. Sandy would catch up and drag two baddies to the ground and start fighting. Rebel would steam in like the hero he was and take one of the cowardly baddies down who was about to shoot uncle Sandy in the back. He’d have hold of the baddie’s shooting arm and really rag it. Sandy would finish off the one or two he was fighting with,; maybe one of them would go for his gun, but to no avail, uncle Sandy would just shoot it out of his hand.

So what was the horse doing while all this was going on? Nothing, nada, sod all. He was standing on his back legs, rearing up and waving his pathetic toeless paws around and going “nnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy”, what’s champion about that? Nevertheless, snot-nose would turn up and say “we got em uncle Sandy, thanks to Champ.” WHAT??????? Rebel’s standing there thinking, “what do you mean? He did nothing, just danced around making noise! Where’s my praise? Where’s my thanks? Where’s my biscuit?”

No, uncle Sandy would hog-tie the baddies and get back on his horse and snot-nose would get on Champs back and they’d ride off into the sunset. If I was Rebel I’d have let the baddies shoot the bleeding lot of them. Stupid horses…STUPID SKINS!

9 responses to “My Heroes Have Always Been Dogs

  1. Disagree with that – Mutley for me every time – plus Mutley never ever crapped, even through all the scrapes he got into – never saw Dick Dastardly with a little plastic bag did you!!

  2. You forgot K9 as well – pretty handy little dog I reckon – what other dog can kill you with an in-built laser?? Come on tell me???

    • K9? Are you serious? K9 never made the list because he’s not a real dog (erm nor were Mutley or Gromit, but you know what I mean). If K9 was so hard how come I could kill it just by cocking my leg and blowing his circuits? And cocking his leg isn’t something he could ever do. Nothing but a tin can on wheels.

  3. never watched champion the horsey but after reading that i feel like i watched them all – and own the boxset! but i’m suprised you left out Well’ard, of Eastenders, after all he’s real? And had to put up with a lot, such as being clever than his owner Robbie.

    what about Lassie?or does she go into you “top 10 doggies I’ll give the FTM, before I get them chopped off”

  4. I know what you mean but soaps don’t appear on Dad’s TV; for that reason I didn’t include Wellard or Schmeichel but they are deserving of a mention.
    Lassie’s a bitch so she don’t count – girls….yeuck! Also I don’t know what FTM means or what you mean by “get them chopped off”.

  5. I can’t really say on here with it being a family-friendly blog and all that, I’ll tell ya when u come around as long as you dont pi… wee on my carpet.

  6. Pingback: More entries to the Dog Idol competition « bonesdiary

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