Bones’ winter of discontent

Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this son of a border terrier.

I was looking forward to winter, the promise of my first time playing in the snow. So far though it’s been rubbish. The sun has gone most of the day and the sky is the colour of molten lead; the skins around the area are as miserable as the weather. I’m looking out of the window and its widdling down like the sky is a sieve; that reminds me of a poem by the great Spike Milligan:

There are Holes in the Sky

There are holes in the sky                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Where the rain gets in                                                                                                                                                                                                                                But they’re ever so small                                                                                                                                                                                                                         That’s why the rain is thin.

Bones is a bad, bad boy

I’m not a bad dog, I’m actually a very good dog but sometimes my actions get misinterpreted by others…hardly my fault is it?

Dad was angry with me yesterday, I think he’s ok with me today but how long that will last I’m not sure. The thing is, he got involved in something that was really none of his business and paid the price for his interference. Me and Alf were fighting on the sofa and Jess joined in and grabbed my back leg; that was it, a free-for-all!!!! It was a real knock em down and drag em out scrap – each of us wheeling one way then the other, snapping and wrestling. Alf is quite strong and Jess has the bulk but I am small, fast and aggressive so it sort of evens out.

Dad told us to stop but we carried on so he strode over and grabbed Jessie’s collar and pulled her away, then he pointed at the windowsill and Alf disengaged, which left me trying to bite his tail as he left the battlefield. Dad said “that’s enough Bones” and went to grab my collar; unfortunately I was still in fighting mode so I turned and sank my teeth into his hand! He wasn’t best pleased.

His giant hand snaked under my chest and I was lifted off the sofa and carried to my playpen. Some of the words he used were not familiar to me but Alf has advised me not to report them on this blog. Basically he told me to stay in isolation until further notice. What is his problem? I didn’t even break the skin.

When mom came home she took us out for a walk, Jess didn’t want to go because sometimes she likes to go on her own private walk with mom after we’ve been out. She thinks she’s better than the rest of us! Anyway, me and Alf went down the fields where we met his girlfriend Ellie and her mom. We had a great time running around together but when it was time to go home I found a ball that another dog had left behind. That means more playtime!

I ran around the field with this ball in my mouth, totally ignoring my mom calling to me. Alf and Ellie were already on their leads and were waiting to go home. Alf was shouting at me to stop being naughty and come back -no way pal you’re just after my ball! I kept running close then veering off as mom and Ellie’s mom tried to grab me. Alf was getting angry, he was tired and wanted his dinner but my tank wasn’t even half empty yet; as the song goes: “…ain’t no stopping me now…”

Then mom played the trump card: she reached into her pocket, pulled out her phone and said “I’m ringing your dad!” She wouldn’t, surely she wouldn’t do that. Would she? She did. From where I was standing I could hear him: “WHAAAAAAATTTTTTT???????” Mom put the phone away and said to Ellie’s  mom “He’s not happy.” I pictured the ogre pulling on his shoes and coat, rummaging around for his keys, his eyes ablaze with fury. Hmmm, perhaps this game isn’t fun after all. I dropped the ball and cantered over to mom and let her put my lead on. She rang him back and told him not to bother coming down.

We got home and he came downstairs with a face like a wet weekend, the stupid cats sat at the top of the stairs grinning, waiting for the fireworks, but none came. “Bones, I am not happy,” he said (tell us something we don’t know grumpy drawers), “you’re getting to be a pain lately, I’m sending you to see Maria.” I sat there looking up at him and cocked my head to one side like Alf does when he’s thinking. Who is Maria? He said no more about it, Alf shrugged but Jess wagged her tail.

Jess later told me who Maria is. Apparently when Jess was a puppy she was completely insane, just charging about all the time destroying every thing she could get her teeth into. She also used to bite dad every chance she got, nobody else – just dad. Eventually, after trying everything he could to get her to be a good girl, he took her away. They went a long way in the car to a place called Worcestershire to meet a lady who could do magical things with dogs. A couple of weeks later he came and picked her up and she had become a really good girl. A couple of times after that she had been to stay with Maria when mom and dad went on holiday and really loved it there. You can take a look at the link I found here.

This is to happen to me then? Yeah we’ll see. This Maria has never, ever met a dog as cool and as switched on as me. I’ll run rings around her. I’ll tear lumps out of her. Bones Rules!!!!!!!

 

 

Virtual Bones

I was reading an article my dad wrote for a website design company called Zero-One Design who he writes for alot. This article was about mobile recruitment websites, so you can look for jobs when you’re away from your computer. What interested me was a bit where he wrote about the quickening advance of technology.

Now let me get this right; only recently have you had computers in your homes? Is it true that they sent people to the moon with a computer the size of a house which was about as powerful as a child’s calculator? Now there are pc’s you can buy with a terrier bite of memory, oops I meant terrabyte. hehehe.

Right then, so the home computer comes along and its a bit basic, you have to load programs with a tape player going wwwweeeeeeeeeeaaaaaawwwwww. Then microsoft makes it easy to use with windows. The internet connects everyone in the world and all the knowledge of the world is available to everyone! hooray!!!! Well alot of it anyway, knowledge is power afterall so the powerful can only stay that way if they keep a bit of it all to themselves, I digress.

Then laptops come along and they’re taking up less space, you don’t need a desk as long as you have a lap (I won’t mention lapdogs, that would be corny). Laptops have got as powerful as pc’s so who needs a pc anymore? But wait! Laptops are still a bit cumbersome to haul around so they gave us netbooks which are nice and light. But you still need somewhere to set it down for browsing – ah the tablet! Tablets are there to get rid of headaches aren’t they, like not having to set something down to surf the web?

Mobile phones meant we could be in when we are out. At first they were big bricks and skins couldn’t fit them in their pockets, so the clever skins made them smaller….and smaller…….and smaller. Then just as they were about to disappear from sight, some clever skin said wait! How about using them to surf the net? But we can’t see the screens the world cried in anguish. Let’s make them BIGGER! Skins are so engrossed in their phones, they used to sit around a table as a family to eat their dinner, to talk about things. Then they just sat in front of their flat screen 47″ plasma tv and ate their dinners on their laps, lost in the maze of 100 channels. The vacant stare interupted just long enough to text and be texted.

One day, very soon, nobody will leave the house. Contact with the outside world will be conducted totally online. The only skins out and about will be those involved in helping people to stay indoors, deliveries, computer engineers etc. Social media means skins can have all the friends they need without ever having to bear the pain of actual physical relationships. They don’t need to leave their house at all: your groceries can be delivered,  bills can be paid online,  friends are always there when they need them: friends they’ve never actually met. Life is so much easier in a virtual world.

The very act of taking a walk, for the sole reason of breathing the air and feeling the sun warm them, will be viewed as unusual behaviour. It will mark them out as different; like skins you don’t know who pass you in the street and wish you good morning “must be nutters.”

I shiver when I hear the term “virtual pet”, for those whose busy lifestyle is too hectic for a real pet; cheaper because they don’t need to be fed, less hassle because they don’t have to clean up after them. If they don’t like their virtual pet, they can just delete it. Will we no longer be needed? Will we become surplus to requirements?  When skins as a whole no longer have time for a pet, when we’re just too much trouble, then they will have lost the capacity to love.

Nobody voting?

The thing about democracy is that it’s too often taken for granted. The skins have the right to vote and yet so many of them squander the chance to have their voice heard. I know some say there is no point when all parties have basically the same policies decided for them by lobbyists for the rich bankers, industrialists etc. But these rights were fought for and won by your forebears. Stand up and have your voice heard.

The same is true for my coat vote poll: I gave you all the chance to vote for my humiliation in having to wear a coat this winter; or a vote of confidence in me being able to tough it out; the third option is to let me decide for myself, something I would prefer to be honest – I’m only a puppy but already old enough to know my own mind, and stand up on my own four paws.

There were quite a few views of this post but only a small amount of votes (4 I think and one of those was me!). Clicking an option won’t cost you anything, you won’t be re-directed to another page and you won’t download any viruses. It’s just a poll, a bit of fun for you but important to me in that if it goes the way I want, I keep my dignity and mom keeps her stupid coat!

VOTE NOW! VOTE NO TO COATS!!!!!!!!!

The great coat vote

Mom wants me to wear a coat this winter, she says I’m just a puppy and I should keep warm. She saw a Sherlock Holmes outfit which she seems to think is cute….yeuch! Dad says that I’m a tough dog and shouldn’t be pampered, he thinks dogs have survived for millenia without dressing up like an idiot, why should they start now just for the amusement of their owners? Personally I lean towards dad on this one but I’m going to leave it up to my friends. If you vote ‘yes’ I’ll bite my tongue and put up with it, if you vote ‘no’ I’ll go without like a real dog. Either way, if its a Sherlock Holmes outfit – IT GETS RIPPED!!!!!

Should Bones wear a winter coat? You decide…..

I don’t understand cruelty

I have been a busy pup today, this is my third post but I wouldn’t be bothering you unless I thought it important.

Dad says not to believe most of what you read in newspapers or online news, fair comment I suppose, such alot of rubbish pretending to be proper news. His dad told him not to believe anything he hears and only half what he sees, sound advice. Yet I wanted to draw your attention to something I stumbled upon and I pray it’s not true:

http://money.aol.co.uk/2011/11/15/owners-maim-or-kill-pets-for-cash/?ncid=webmail4

Pet owners killing or maiming their animals to get insurance money? Surely that wouldn’t happen….couldn’t happen? Why do some skins have to be cruel?