For such a young pup, I believe I speak in a very easy to understand manner, my pronunciation of barks, growls, howls and yelps is second to none. Yet skins, who think they invented language and communication, can’t understand what I’m telling them. Oh you got these self-styled experts who say this means this and that means that, but I’ve watched some of these programs with my dad and you can tell the dogs involved are only doing what they’re told because someone is slipping them treats, obviously they’ll do what the skin wants if they are being bribed – we’re suckers for treats! But they don’t really understand what we’re actually saying, we know what skins are saying but choose to ignore them until they produce our treats.
Ok, here’s an example: the other day I was in the back garden on patrol when I saw a cat I didn’t know, cheekily sat on top of the shed. I yelled at him to clear off, which he quite wisely did. Next minute the back door opens and dad’s there. Here is the conversation:
Dad: What’s all the noise about?
Bones: There was a cat on the roof of the shed.
Dad: What are you barking for lil’ man?
Bones: I just told you, there was a cat on the roof of the shed.
Dad: Did you see something?
Bones: Yes! A cat on the roof of the shed.
Dad: What was it boy?
Bones: A CAT ON THE ROOF OF THE SHED!
Dad: Come on in now.
Bones: No, I’d better stay on guard in case that cat comes back.
Dad: Are you coming in or what?
Bones: No, I told you I’m staying out here, that cat could be nearby.
Dad: Come on in then Bones.
Bones: Are you deaf or just plain stupid? I can’t come in yet, if I abandon my post then that cat could come back, you know the one I mentioned that was sitting on the roof of the shed? I cannot allow that to happen, so mind your own business and let me get on with mine, OK?
Dad: Want a treat?
Bones: Coming dad.