I don’t like it, I’ve told the others I don’t like it and now I’m telling you: this tree is stupid. For one thing it’s too big, they’ve put it the other side of the coffee table – right in the middle of my racetrack. I go bombing around that table two or three times a day, out through the hall, into the kitchen, and into the garden, three laps of that then back into the house and around the coffee table a couple more times. Its my training course, now that stupid tree is there and my course is ruined.
They’ve not put lights on it because they think I’ll electrocute myself when I widdle up it. They’ve hung things like little wooden soldiers, fairies and a glass slipper but all out of my reach, there are fake pine cones that honestly taste disgusting and theyve put these glass balls on it of different sizes. One of the larger ones on the lowest branch contains a dog that wants to fight me but I can’t get to him because he’s inside this shiney gold ball. I think he’s a Border Terrier like me but his face looks funny, sort of warped. He looks like he’s barking at me when I bark at him but he doesn’t make any sound, I’ve tried biting his nose but this gold ball swings away and then comes back to hit me on mine. The dumb collies think it’s funny when I try and fight this other dog but I don’t care.
Stupid tree, stupid collies, stupid gold dog, STUPID CHRISTMAS!!!!! Bah humbug!