Some of you will remember the conversation that me and dad had, which I blogged about previously in Bones’ Diary under the headline Break Down in Communication ,which illustrated how utterly incapable skins are of understanding what we are trying to convey. Well I’d like to follow that with another conversation this morning.
It was still dark and mom had gone out to work, she had to go out early so we didn’t get a walk this morning so I was a little grumpy, even though she’d promised us an extra long walk later. The immense Jess was crashed out in her cage, snoring in a very un-ladylike manner; the slightly built Alf was on the settee, also asleep and probably dreaming about his girlfriend Ellie. I was in my playpen at the bottom of the stairs, curled up on my favourite blanket and just dozing off when I felt like someone was watching me. I opened one eye and couldn’t see anyone there so I lifted my head and looked all around, but still nothing. I laid my head back down but like an itch you can’t scratch, I could still feel eyes on me. I stood up and looked up the stairs and sure enough there was the skinny cat Milly staring at me. I growled low in my throat as I told her it was rude to stare but she didn’t respond. That damned cat has never said a word to me since I came to live here, she thinks she is so superior! I don’t lke anyone staring at me, I’m just funny like that, it’s an uncomfortable feeling.
Milly was really starting to annoy me, I said “If you don’t pack it in I’m going to tell dad, still no reaction. Then an evil and ugly face pushed its way through the bannisters and Raffles started looking at me too. I couldn’t believe it: two stupid cats? Now it’s bad enough with Milly staring at me but she’s never really done anything across me, but you all know I’ve got a less than cordial relationship with the evil one.
I was getting angry now, “You got something to say cat, come down here and say it!” I growled. No reaction. “Right, that’s it – I’m telling dad!” They looked at each other and I thought I saw Raffles grin.
“Dad.” There was no reply from upstairs, “Dad?” He must be still asleep. I’d better shout louder: dad,dad,dad,dad,dad,dad,dad,dad,DAD,DAD,DAD,DAD,DAD,DAD,DAD,DADDADDADDADDADDADDADDAD………DAD!!!!!!!!!
There was a sudden bellow from above like a bull that had come home from a hard day and found his dinner was not on the table. A rumble like distant thunder, as if the mighty Thor himself was about to make a grand entrance. “Oh dear cats you’re in trouble now”, but the cats had disappeared from the top of the stairs, they were nowhere to be seen. A dark figure loomed at the top of the stairs and started down speaking in some strange language that I didn’t really understand most of even though I recognised some of the words like “you little….” and “what the…” but the rest it was alien to me. I said to Alf, whose head popped up from behind the arm of the settee and just as quickly popped back down again, “He’s going to sort those cats out once and for all.”
Dad reached the bottom of the stairs and looked down at me, “What’s wrong with you?” I sat down and smiled back up at him.
Bones: Ah, I’m glad you heard me, please tell those cats to stop staring at me, it’s very rude.
Dad: What do you want?
Bones: I want you to sort the cats out if you don’t mind, a simple telling off will do for Millie but you can be severe as you like with Raffles.
Dad: Do you want a widdle?
Bones: Well perhaps later but for now I’d rather watch the cats get punished.
Dad (opening the gate of my playpen): Didn’t your mom let you out before she left?
Bones: Of course but that’s not the point, the point is what are you going to do about those cats?
Dad: Look Bones, don’t mess me about, do you want to go in the garden or what?
Bones: Why would I want to go in the garden? I want justice!
I sat there looking up at him expectantly, waiting for him to go and shout at the cats for their insolence, but dad just sighed and hung his head for a few seconds before shutting the gate to my playpen and starting back up the stairs. “Go get ’em dad,” I yelled with glee; he stopped and turned to look back at me, “I hear you once more and I’m going to cut your sodding tail off, now shut up!”
I couldn’t believe it, he took the cats side over me? And what would I do without a tail? I’d only be half a dog! I lay down on my favourite blanket and felt sorry for myself. An hour later he came down the stairs again and I turned my back on him. He came up behind me and picked me up, giving me a big hug and a good scratch behind the ear. All forgiven now, I’m sure he wouldn’t really cut my tail off; the fact remains though that I will have to deal with the cats on my own; I’m just the dog for the job!