I’m a little embarrassed about this and ashamed to say but, as you are my very best friends, I suppose I can confide in you. One of our neighbours came round to tell my dad of a bereavement, I won’t go into too much detail here you understand. She was obviously upset and dad sat her down on the sofa as she was telling him of her grief. I decided to try and cheer her up so I jumped onto the sofa next to her, clamped onto her arm and started humping.
You could have heard a pin drop in the room as I went for it with everything I had, I looked over my shoulder at dad, my face a mask of effort, to say “don’t mind me…carry on talking if you want.” But dad was horrified, he spluttered and tried to speak but the words just came out as a gasp, “Bones – no…!” Jess and Alf sat their with their jaws slack, totally in shock. “Grab a leg each guys?” but they were like statues. Mom came into the room then and grabbed my collar before leading me to my playpen, all the while she was muttering apologies.
I didn’t think about it at the time but as I sat in my playpen I realised what I had done and now I am full of remorse. Alf said it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen, he reckons I looked like a gargoyle, all wild-eyed and grinning like a maniac. Jess said I was a dirty little pervert, I don’t know what a pervert is but it doesn’t sound good. I was only trying to help; just don’t tell anyone okay?