Two stones lighter

It is a dark day for all of dogdom. The mighty Bones is mighty no more.

You may have noticed the stupid lampshade picture from my post yesterday. There is a reason I have to wear it – I have been butchered, operated upon without my consent, attacked, disfigured, disembowled. What they have done is tantamount to vandalism and they have deprived not only me, but the whole world.

The first I knew of the dastardly plan was when mom said I was going to the see the vet. I was pleased, I always get spoiled rotten when I go there, fuss and treats from the nice skins. The worst I endure is a needle in the ruff or that little stick up my butt to tell if I’m hot or not – what’s the point? Everyone knows that Bones is cool! I was a little bit concerned that I hadn’t had any breakfast, I complained but mom wasn’t listening.

We got there and we waited to be seen. There was another dog there and we made friends, sniffing happily until we were called in. I was taken into the back room where they stuck a needle in my leg, it was just a scratch but wow did it make me feel sleepy. Next thing I knew, I was waking up with that stupid funnel attached to my collar and a pinching feeling below my belly. I felt really woozy and drunk, I reckon I must have looked like dad when he come in from his christmas party.

Mom turned up and took me home, I slept all the way in the car. When I got there the collies came to have a sniff, mom told them they had to leave me alone because I needed to rest. Jess turned to Alf and told him he was right, I’d been snipped! I didn’t know what that meant and I didn’t care, I felt really rough and just wanted to sleep.

Later they told me what had happed, they had to explain to me what castrated meant. I was devastated. Dad came back and couldn’t look me in the eye, he hadn’t wanted it to happen and had held it off as long as possible. Mom had convinced him that it for the best but it still didn’t lie easy with him, he felt like he was letting me down. Boys stuff, y’know?

So there you have it, or at least I had it but no more. Has Bones lost his mojo? Will I be the same border bad boy as I ever was? Time will tell. All I will say is that as soon as my lampshade comes off there will be some righteous retribution on a biblical scale!!!

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15 responses to “Two stones lighter

  1. Oh, Bones!!!! It was done for your own good you know! Doctors say that it’s for better health and you know what Bones, your mightyness is not in those two stones. You are now even mightier than you think! I wish you a quick recovery sweet & brave Bones.

  2. I bet your dad would’ve let you have silicone implants (yes, they do exist) but maybe he didn’t know about them; boys seem to take these things so seriously.

  3. Oh, Bones – just join the club: at least twice a year, when other male dogs are completely out of their minds, dont sleep, don’t eat, just being ridiculous howling bunches of unbearable desire, we don’t have to be confined and can enjoy freedom instead.

  4. Oh, sweet Bones it may not seem like it right now but we thinks you are gonna be way better now. You are going to really enjoy life a lot now. Hugs and nose kisses

  5. THe collie boys just looked at each other and decided it was safer to go outside….. please dont be angry but we did laugh when we read the title wondering what it all meant and then read the post… great title….. sorry Bones but as Skylight said.. well at least he wont have a lil pups running around when he has some fun now… hheheheheeheheh *dad is holding his head again*… wonder why?

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