The day has arrived, the votes have been cast and the results are in. I can finally reveal the results of the Great Coat Vote!
Its been a close run thing, I can tell you, the vote was so popular that, fearing a riot, some of the official polling stations actually had to stay open longer to accomodate the hordes of voters who were yet to cast their ballot. There have been accusations and counter-accusations of ballot -rigging; the British media printing outlandish tales about yours truly; mass demonstrations in Russia; dodgey goings-on in the state of Florida (again?) and Fox News announcing a winner before all the votes had been counted properly.
Against all this controversy, I believe that this time democracy will be the winner. Here are the results my friends: (drum roll please)
SHOULD BONES WEAR A COAT THIS WINTER?
No way, Bones is tough enough: 25%
Yes, Bones is still a puppy, keep him warm: 37.5%
Bones is old enough to decide for himself, let the boy have his say: 37.5%
By the power vested in me by….well….me, I declare this vote a draw!
Now obviously, under the circumstances, a draw is no good to skin nor pup so there has to be a deciding vote cast to determine the outcome. Who should we turn to? What great statesman is worthy of taking on such a task, with the fate of a young pup’s dignity hanging in the balance? I believe there is only one that we can trust to be encumbered with this great burden; one whose honesty and integrity is without question, I refer of course to……..me! Get lost, you don’t think I’d trust this to any old skin do you? No, as I’m the one whom this concerns then I am the only reasonable choice to cast the deciding vote.
Bones votes (another even longer drum roll please) LET THE BOY HAVE HIS SAY!!!!
This means my friends that not only did I have the deciding vote, I can also decide whether or not to wear a coat. Ooh the agony of choice……I choose….. no way are you getting me in a coat pal, anyone tries – they lose fingers!