Alfie the hero

There coms a time in every dog’s life where you have to stand up and be counted, otherwise the world can just sort of roll over you, leave you flat. Self respect gone. All of us face a moment like this and who we are is determined by how we face it. The other day was Alfie’s moment.
There’s big dog lives near us and sometimes comes down to the fields where we run. He’s a very large German Shepherd, bigger than all of us and likes to show it; he’s a bully.
On a few occasions he’s been nasty to Alf who has shyed away, this GSD is twice the size of Alf and easily double his weight, as I’ve told you before, Alfie is a skinny lad. Jess has growled at him to leave Alfie alone once or twice but even she knows to keep her distance. Poor Alf puts his tail between his legs and hides behind mom.
I haven’t seen this dog around for a while because he seems to prefer walking in the nearby park, in fact I haven’t seen him over the fields since I was a puppy, knee high to a high knee. Anyway, the other day we’re ust entering the fields and this big lump is there. He spotted me first and thought that I’d be an easy victim, being only a little fella. He came bounding towards me, barking his head off that he was going to turn me inside out blahblahblah; well, my friends , as you know Bones does not back down – ever! I started trotting towards him, a low murmur starting in my throat. Let’s just see what he’s got.
Next thing I knew, there was a black blur in the corner of my eye and the most menacing growl I’ve ever heard. Alf ran at this monster and jumped on him! His sharp white teeth biting down on the monster’s back, a crazed look in his eye. Before you could say “Jack the giant killer” the monster was off across the field not looking all that monstrous any longer, with Alf snapping at his tail.
When we got home, I lay down next to Alfie, my big brother, and listened to his breathing as he drifted off to sleep, it wasn’t long before I joined him there.
True courage isn’t about not being scared, its about knowing you’re scared but facing up to it anyway. It’s about looking the demon in the eye and saying “or what?” My big brother Alfie will always be my hero, even though he was scared of the monster, there was no way he was going to let it get me. (I didn’t really need help, I think I could have took him, but don’t tell Alf that!)

More entries to the Dog Idol competition

My very, very good friend and brilliant artist Marina Kanavaki has obviously been going through the archives of Bones Diary because she has suggested some additions to my list of dog idols, you can view the original lists here:

Marina has commented: “My heroes too! Add: Snoopy [by Charles M. Schulz] and Disney’s Pluto, Goofy, Lady & the Tramp!!!”

Just for you then Marina here they are. Although I’m not big on Disney because of old Walt and his less than attractive views on race, I cannot argue with Snoopy – one of the coolest dogs on the planet (2nd only to me of course hehehehe). If anyone else has got any suggestions then please get in touch and share your views.

If you are reading this and you haven’t yet had chance to look at Marina’s amazing artwork then click here and check it out – I’m a huge fan!

Two more top dogs

I have been given the names of two more worthy entries to the dog Hall of Heroes.

My great-uncle wrote:

bones must not omit black bob of dandy fame, or the top dog of  them all the bold RIN TIN TIN.
Ok, let’s have a look then –
Rin Tin Tin has got to be in there with a bark, he was found as a shell-shocked pup during world war one and adopted by the U.S. army (it was probably them who shelled him). He went on to fame as a radio star with Don Ameche and apparently did his own sound effects (does that mean he did thunder and car doors slamming etc.? Now that’s talent).  He appeared as a wolf in the film “The Man from Hell’s River” in 1922 before his first starring role in 1923 with Claire Adams in “Where the North Begins” the film that saved Warner Brothers.
He died a happy dog in the arms of platinum furred actress Jean Harlow in 1932. His son, Rin Tin Tin Jr  took over and starred in many more movies. In fact the legend that was Rin Tin Tin was actually several dogs.
Good call Great-Uncle, Rin Tin Tin is indeed a top dog.
Black Bob, I’m afraid, is in the list of also-rans. I cannot in good faith recommend to my readers one who was billed as “The Dandy Wonder Dog”, this dog obviously has no pride and no place amongst such exhalted company.
Can you imagine him staying in kennels? “Hi boys, I’m the dandy wonder dog!” All the other dogs would move their bowls just a little further away….
I reckon Black Bob’s just a little too light on his paws for this list.
Keep the suggestions coming and the great debate will rage on.
Bones is oscar mike

Almost made it

The list I did of my dog heroes seemed to be very popular and seems to have created debate. Everyone has their own ideas on subjects like these and I’m sure everyone has their own top ten, but remember: this is my blog and I choose who gets in my top 10, so back off skins – I’m a dangerous dog!

Seriously though, if you want to try your paw at putting together a top 10 list on this subject or any other, please email me at I’ll include it in my blog and give you credit for it. KEEP IT CLEAN! (you know who you are). Young skins read this so don’t expect me to include a list of famous peoples’ legs you’d like to get a grip of.

I wanted to mention some of the dogs that didn’t make it on the list that some of you might have expected to have appeared, but are just bubbling under.

Lassie: famous but a bitch. Everyone loved Lassie years before yours truly was even born but I can’t have a female hero, that’s just daft. Did you know Lassie was played by loads of different bitches and at least one dog? Apparently skins think all rough collies look the same when wet after just saving little Jimmy from the river etc. I find that offensive to be honest: “you all look the same to me.”









Hong Kong Phooey: Funny cartoon but the cat was the brainy one, whereas everybodies favourite mild-mannered janitor made all dogs look thick. Well listen to me, cats don’t even know how to bring a stick back!







Deputy Dawg: Another thick dog, this is pure and simple dogism.






Henry: the bloodhound from the minced morsels advert. Better looking than Clement Freud.



Spot: Cuter than me? I don’t think so.







Scooby Doo: Cowardly great dane. Would sell his sainted mother for a scooby snack.






Scrappy Doo: Braver than uncle Scooby but a bit mouthy, I’d batter him easy.









Droopy: Oh no, I forgot Droopy, “you know what? I’m the hero.” Tell you what my friends, the top 10 just became the top 11.








Don’t forget to email me your top 10 on just about anything you want to list a top 10 of…..

My Heroes Have Always Been Dogs


I was asked a question the other day by one of my loyal followers which I wish to address in more detail: Who are my doggy idols? Well, I’ve spent nearly a whole minute thinking about this, which is a long time when you’ve got gardening (well…digging in the garden) to do and Alfie’s ear isn’t going to chew itself, but I’ve come up with a list of my top ten in reverse order:

10) Gromit (Wallace & Gromit). Doesn’t have much to say but he’s definitely the brains of the outfit.

9) Spike (Tom & Jerry). A big tough bulldog. The cat was always trying to get the mouse who liked to hide under Spike’s jowls, it would always end up with the cat taking a hiding.

8) Jerry Lee (K9). There seemed to be a few of these films come out around the same time. I’m not big on family movies with a feelgood ending but I admit to getting a lump in my throat when JL got shot then pulled through (it was probably bile).

7) Hooch (Turner & Hooch). Another almost identical film to K9, but Hooch ranks higher just because of the amount of drool he could produce. I’m so jealous!

6) Butch (Cats & Dogs). We win in the end and show the pesky cats we’re the best pets – DOGS RULE! Obviously the hero of the story was supposed to be Lou the Beagle but I thought he was wimp, Butch on the other hand was so cool. Not afraid of anything: he’s an icedog!

5) Eddie (Frasier). Easily the best thing about that show was the little terrier.

4) The Littlest Hobo. What a brilliant dog anthem: Maybe tomorrow I’ll want to settle down, until tomorrow I’ll just keep moving on. Honestly, isn’t that fantastic? Lifts my fur, it really does. He’s a top dog who solves problems for stupid skins wherever he goes.

3) Diefenbaker (Due South). We’re into the top three now so these dogs are giants. Diefenbaker showed all the qualities that make dogs the best animals in the world: courage, loyalty, dedication; all this and he was deaf! Hero.

2) Mutley. The star of some of the greatest cartoons ever made. Mutley was the opposite of Diefenbaker: cunning, treacherous, evil; but how we love him, how we laugh, but best of all – how he laughs! Also he has that helicopter tail, so when they fail to catch the pigeon (again) and Dick Dastardly is falling from his plane he shouts, “MUTLEY, DO SOMETHING!” Mutley comes down with his tail spinning and points at his chest saying “Gimme,gimme,gimme.” And if he doesn’t get his medal, he lets Dastardly drop. He covers his mouth and does that laugh and tears run down my furry cheeks.

And here it is, (drum roll) at number one, the greatest dog that ever wagged a tail is………………………………..

1) Rebel (Champion the Wonder Horse). There has never been a tougher, more loyal, more hardy dog than Rebel, a German Shepherd Dog from the rough end of the litter. And yet, he must be the most overlooked and underappreciated dog ever. No matter what Rebel did, no matter how many bad skins he brought to heel, that bloody horse got all the praise. What was champion about that horse? He did nothing to help.

Ok, if you’ve never seen the show, it always ended the same way: there was this snot-nosed brat who had a wild horse as a friend called, obviously, Champion the Wonder Horse. At the end of the show, no matter what had happened during the show, there would always be a chase, probably involving 2 or 3 baddies and uncle Sandy with Rebel in hot pursuit. Sandy would catch up and drag two baddies to the ground and start fighting. Rebel would steam in like the hero he was and take one of the cowardly baddies down who was about to shoot uncle Sandy in the back. He’d have hold of the baddie’s shooting arm and really rag it. Sandy would finish off the one or two he was fighting with,; maybe one of them would go for his gun, but to no avail, uncle Sandy would just shoot it out of his hand.

So what was the horse doing while all this was going on? Nothing, nada, sod all. He was standing on his back legs, rearing up and waving his pathetic toeless paws around and going “nnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy”, what’s champion about that? Nevertheless, snot-nose would turn up and say “we got em uncle Sandy, thanks to Champ.” WHAT??????? Rebel’s standing there thinking, “what do you mean? He did nothing, just danced around making noise! Where’s my praise? Where’s my thanks? Where’s my biscuit?”

No, uncle Sandy would hog-tie the baddies and get back on his horse and snot-nose would get on Champs back and they’d ride off into the sunset. If I was Rebel I’d have let the baddies shoot the bleeding lot of them. Stupid horses…STUPID SKINS!