Bones is a bad, bad boy

I’m not a bad dog, I’m actually a very good dog but sometimes my actions get misinterpreted by others…hardly my fault is it?

Dad was angry with me yesterday, I think he’s ok with me today but how long that will last I’m not sure. The thing is, he got involved in something that was really none of his business and paid the price for his interference. Me and Alf were fighting on the sofa and Jess joined in and grabbed my back leg; that was it, a free-for-all!!!! It was a real knock em down and drag em out scrap – each of us wheeling one way then the other, snapping and wrestling. Alf is quite strong and Jess has the bulk but I am small, fast and aggressive so it sort of evens out.

Dad told us to stop but we carried on so he strode over and grabbed Jessie’s collar and pulled her away, then he pointed at the windowsill and Alf disengaged, which left me trying to bite his tail as he left the battlefield. Dad said “that’s enough Bones” and went to grab my collar; unfortunately I was still in fighting mode so I turned and sank my teeth into his hand! He wasn’t best pleased.

His giant hand snaked under my chest and I was lifted off the sofa and carried to my playpen. Some of the words he used were not familiar to me but Alf has advised me not to report them on this blog. Basically he told me to stay in isolation until further notice. What is his problem? I didn’t even break the skin.

When mom came home she took us out for a walk, Jess didn’t want to go because sometimes she likes to go on her own private walk with mom after we’ve been out. She thinks she’s better than the rest of us! Anyway, me and Alf went down the fields where we met his girlfriend Ellie and her mom. We had a great time running around together but when it was time to go home I found a ball that another dog had left behind. That means more playtime!

I ran around the field with this ball in my mouth, totally ignoring my mom calling to me. Alf and Ellie were already on their leads and were waiting to go home. Alf was shouting at me to stop being naughty and come back -no way pal you’re just after my ball! I kept running close then veering off as mom and Ellie’s mom tried to grab me. Alf was getting angry, he was tired and wanted his dinner but my tank wasn’t even half empty yet; as the song goes: “…ain’t no stopping me now…”

Then mom played the trump card: she reached into her pocket, pulled out her phone and said “I’m ringing your dad!” She wouldn’t, surely she wouldn’t do that. Would she? She did. From where I was standing I could hear him: “WHAAAAAAATTTTTTT???????” Mom put the phone away and said to Ellie’s  mom “He’s not happy.” I pictured the ogre pulling on his shoes and coat, rummaging around for his keys, his eyes ablaze with fury. Hmmm, perhaps this game isn’t fun after all. I dropped the ball and cantered over to mom and let her put my lead on. She rang him back and told him not to bother coming down.

We got home and he came downstairs with a face like a wet weekend, the stupid cats sat at the top of the stairs grinning, waiting for the fireworks, but none came. “Bones, I am not happy,” he said (tell us something we don’t know grumpy drawers), “you’re getting to be a pain lately, I’m sending you to see Maria.” I sat there looking up at him and cocked my head to one side like Alf does when he’s thinking. Who is Maria? He said no more about it, Alf shrugged but Jess wagged her tail.

Jess later told me who Maria is. Apparently when Jess was a puppy she was completely insane, just charging about all the time destroying every thing she could get her teeth into. She also used to bite dad every chance she got, nobody else – just dad. Eventually, after trying everything he could to get her to be a good girl, he took her away. They went a long way in the car to a place called Worcestershire to meet a lady who could do magical things with dogs. A couple of weeks later he came and picked her up and she had become a really good girl. A couple of times after that she had been to stay with Maria when mom and dad went on holiday and really loved it there. You can take a look at the link I found here.

This is to happen to me then? Yeah we’ll see. This Maria has never, ever met a dog as cool and as switched on as me. I’ll run rings around her. I’ll tear lumps out of her. Bones Rules!!!!!!!



Sick puppy

I don’t know what I ate across the fields yesterday but I feel so rotten. I think I overdid it on the grass because I brought up a grassy knoll on the rug when I got home.

I didn’t eat my dinner yesterday, which mom was worried about because I love my food, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to fight the other two, I just sat there feeling sorry for myself. Jess came and nudged me with her nose to see if I was ok, but I just hadn’t got the energy to do anything.

Dad picked me up and I fell asleep on his lap. They were watching “The Walking Dead” on tv so when I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a zombie shuffling towards me! I wasn’t scared even though I’d never seen a zombie before, I growled a warning to it and everyone laughed. I was still half-asleep, I didn’t know it was on tv! Give me a break, I’m ill.

This morning I feel a little better, I managed a bit of my breakfast but as soon as dad left the room, the disgusting whale Jess charged over and stuck her fat face in my bowl, I grabbed her ear and pulled and a fight ensued: I must be feeling better.

I’ll get some sleep and I should be fit for a walk this afternoon, I didn’t go out this morning because my belly was playing me up a bit. I’ll be fine later though, perhaps I should lay off eating everything I can get in my mouth for a while. On that subject, every evening my dad goes into the back garden on slug patrol. He makes sure there are no slugs or snails around that we might eat, he says he wants to protect us from someone called Lungworm; I don’t know who Lungworm is but he sounds like a bit of a nasty character, so keep your dogs safe and watch out for this guy Lungworm – check this link out for more info:

Choosing the right puppy

Hi, remember the promise I made to share some of my wisdom on bringing up a perfect pup (like me)? Well that’s been sadly lacking in recent posts so I’m going to add another bit to it now.

We looked at making sure that you have the time, space and resources that you need to bring a dog into your household and your life. Now we need to think about the breed that will fill that space.

Considering the breed is an important part of the process as we are all different and present different charac….characteris…..we’re just different – ok? You have to consider the amount of exercise and grooming your dog will need. Also consider what size the dog is going to be when it has matured, if you only have a small living space then a Newfoundland or St. Bernard may not be right for you.

The best thing to do is go to the Kennel Club website where they have tons of information on buying the right puppy to suit your lifestyle: size, exercise and grooming requirements and breed information such as possible medical problems and temprement.

Choose carefully, your new best friend is going to be with you a while and you can’t trade them in for a different one if, when they grow up, they’re not what you were expecting.

How to Raise the Perfect Puppy (part 1)

Yes that’s right, I’m going to drop in a few tips on puppy training, feeding, vital equipment etc. amongst the rest of the inane drivel I spout. There are many experts out there on the world-wide whatnot who will give you mucho sound advice on this subject, but hey, why not get it straight from the puppy’s mouth? I’ll tell you how I’m being raised and hopefully I might be able to impart some wisdom, despite my tender age, that could prove helpful.

Remember my dear dogs and skins, if you want to ask me anything or leave some tips for others please feel free to comment on any of my blogs. I promise to answer any comments I receive; but please keep them clean, I’m only young.

The first thing I would urge you to consider is how much time, money, space and energy can you devote to what is essentially a new member of the family. Too often you skins don’t realise just what a handful we can be. Yeah we’re cute, especially me, but we are on a mission to cause as much canine chaos and doggy havoc as we can. We are destructive: we chew, we dig, we poo, we widdle; if you’re proud of your persian carpet or luxury leather sofa or ming vase….don’t get a puppy. If you live in a block of flats and you’re out at work all day….don’t get a puppy. If you have to scrimp and save to get enough money just to pay bills each month….don’t get a puppy. If you don’t like noise or mess and just wish for a peaceful existence…..DON’T GET A PUPPY!

Why would anyone get a puppy without thinking it through? I thought you skins were supposed to be top of the evolutionary ladder, some of you anyway. The amount of dogs in rescue centres around the country who have been abandoned by their owners because they were “more trouble than they’re worth” is just criminal. My big brother Alfie came from a rescue centre, a really nice one in Derby called the Second Chance Rescue Kennels where for the first time in his life he was treated well, check out the website: ; like I wrote in a previous post, he doesn’t like to talk about his life before that. Jess told me she thought he might have been treated really badly as a puppy because he still doesn’t trust skins he doesn’t know, especially the young ones, he goes mental if they go near him. Not nasty, just cowers away, barking like crazy. Although he’s not a nasty dog he did bite the dustman on the bum once, lucky the dustman’s got a sense of humour.

It’s a shame, there are so many dogs like him, abandoned but with so much to offer. He’s one of the lucky ones though, he’s got Mom to walk him for miles, Dad who he loves to get fuss off and a bit of a wrestle sometimes; Jess who is a bossy old mare who chews his leg like a chop, but would always stick up for him against bigger dogs when he was younger; and, of course, there’s me: the best thing that’s happened to any of them. Lets hear it for Bones!!!

Ask Bones

If you need to ask me anything about rearing a puppy, dog training, getting the right equipment, food, going on holiday with your dog etc. Or if you’re another dog and you’re looking for a sympathetic ear then get in touch and I’ll do my best to help. Afterall, who better than a dog to answer your doggie questions? If I don’t know I’ll ask Jess and Alf, they know everything!